Thursday, March 24, 2011

Joy of Flipping Out Fairy

So I'm trying to find my groove. For quite a while, I've popped outta bed, fluffed the duvet and tossed the pillows on the bed, put away any laundry in the bedroom, tidied anything needing it upstairs and, as a new addition this winter, sat down to write in front of my SAD light. I used to LOVE winter, but over the last two years, it's become apparent that the dark is crush-crush-CRUSHING MY HEAD!

Also, I've started writing. Which always sounded really pretentious and incomprehensible to me-- what the hell were all these people jotting down in their little black books with their little coloured-ink fountain pens? Mark Z, I give you props, posting on FaceBook finally cured me of this misunderstanding and paved the way for this blog. So over this last winter I've become Super Housewife, Kitchen Yoda and Fledgeling Writer. I just feel like I can't get the perfect day down to a "T".

Have you picked yourself back up from the floor? Dried your tears of mirth? Possibly had to change your knickers you laughed so hard? Yah. I'm looking for the perfect day, and I thought I was gonna grab that freakin' brass ring for sure today: Up, down for breakfast, check email, start bread, up for shower. Didja see that? I put bread in the oven for 30 minutes and then went upstairs to take a shower. Without the timer.

Holy Crap the rain is so loud outside I believe the Universe is wetting it's pants at what's to come.

Bread is fine, after I run downstairs nekkid with 1min 25sec to spare.

Upstairs, strip guest bed from out of town friend staying the night before. Lovely guest towels are untouched. GingerMan did not apprise his friend that the ONLY other set of towels on the bar, bar his own, were for R, the guest. So R apparently rummaged under the sink and found a couple mismatched grody towels and used those. Anyhoo, all laundry gathered on landing, run to bedroom to dress and make a "moonshot" downstairs for super-efficient Kitchen Diva productivity, to include the afore-mentioned bread, plus banana bread and prep for veggie soup from CSA veggie bag. TaDA! Right?

I paused to look in the mirror, as I had run round the house forgetting my hair so it was now a mostly dry crazy tangled bright pink and dark mahogany mess sticking straight up from my head. I attempt to ameliorate with wide tooth comb and low heat dryer and for once decide good enuf is done, sistah.

Run downstairs, chuck the laundry in the machine and start. I grab the veggies from the fridge, delighting in the organic goodness, and notice an old bunch of parsley, which I toss toward the counter to throw in the trash. I organize everything else in a bag for later, go to tidy my work area for banana bread assault and the parsley had landed in the sink. It was only half a small bunch, and before the grown-up homo-sapien Joy Of Cooking Fairy lobe of my brain kicked in, the one that KNOWS one NEVER throws bunches of any kind of greens, lettuce, rice etc. into your garbage disposal, had already stuffed it in there and turned the whirly-gig on.

Disaster. Great Whirly-Green Cloggy DISASTER. I have no photos of that terrible mess. Say you have been this foolish. I am not *calling* you foolish, I am saying that I am foolish at least twice in every day the sun rises and every other human and most animals and aliens are as well, I guaran-damn-tee it.

So I give you the Garbage Disposal, Pipe and Septic Safe Clog Clearing Combo:


Scoop all the water you can out of the sink. I chuck in a bunch of baking soda, then chase it with vinegar. It will immediately foam like heck, so take that in CAREFUL consideration, and do this BEFORE YOU HAVE USED ANY CAUSTIC DRAIN CLEARING AGENTS. You do NOT want a scary mess. Let it sit for a bit. It may look as though it has not worked. The look is a lie. After about 20 minutes, run very very hot water, or use a kettle full of hot water, slowly down the drain et VOY-OLA! All I'm left with is a stupid green ring round the sink.


And the dry ingredients mixed for banana bread, but no bread. I figure I will clear up stuff I've pre-measured, re-fridge the cold stuff and do it tonight, so I grab the dry goods tupperwa--BOOOOF!!!

High Quality Whole Wheat Pastry Flour, Meet High Quality Flooring

So I suck at perfect. I am about to bop over to my friend Daring Sara's house with her two crazy midgets with NO baked goods on a nasty stormy day. But crazy midgets don't care, if you boop their beebo's and tickle them. And friends will reliably laugh all the way to the floor when they read this. The rain has stopped, so apparently the Universe has gone to change it's pants too. Cheers, and thanks.
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  1. Dear Laura;

    You are the sister of my heart.

  2. Have I offered to adopt you yet? You totally feel like one of my own kids. Or myself,on a stylish day.