Wednesday, May 18, 2011


This is where Zombie-Americans have a leg up on the rest of us--Storage.  They don’t need it, Hardware or Software. 
I do.
In Harry Potter’s world, Dumbledore’s beautiful, mysterious Pensieve swirls with the silvery strands of memories preserved; with only a wand tap needed to be completely re-enveloped in the long-ago scene.  
What you do not see behind these glamorous JoC Blog scenes is that your Fairy photographs and notes everything.  I post frequently on FaceBook, yes, but I whip out the phone and snap anything I know I might need any part of later.  Packaging, ingredients, pricing, where to buy, sale dates, book titles, vanity license plates, all the tiny little details I want to remember for later, plus Notes, texts to myself, emails to myself 
Holy Cannoli, I’m an INFO-HOARDER!!   But also a teeeeeensy wee bit forgetful.  My head? Full of Trivia (waving hand round Left Brain) and Jingles (waving round the Right).  Now shake that Boot-ay and do the What’s My Name? Boogie!  Seriously, I remember that Winston Tastes Good Like a Cigarette Should.  That Ralph did, indeed eat the Entire Thing, requiring Alka Seltzer.  That you should Reach Out and Touch Someone.  How to Do the Pigeon, how many Ladybugs went to the Ladybug Picnic.  
Won’t you be my Neighbour?  You already are?  For 10 years?  Huh...lemme write that down right.....
Errrmmm.... See, back in the day, I inherited from my father a predilection for those slim businessman’s diaries.  They measured about 2.5” X 6” and generally came in somber business-y tones of navy, burgundy, brown and black.  Inside they held a wealth of vital information such as world time zones, holidays, currency exchange, phases of the moon, milestone anniversaries... You know, Important stuff.  It’s vital--
Trivia.  It’s all trivia, isn’t it?  But within that, every two-page spread held seven-day blocks where you could visually plan your entire week.  Need to plan forward?  Flip two pages and you have the next month.  At the back of the book was an entire section for listing birthdays and important dates. It was the ORIGINAL Little Black Book.
Somehow, when GingerMan and I hooked up, He managed to replace this briefly with a Palm Pre or something that was a dark, clear red plastic with a stylus.  It was very pretty and made me feel very High Tech.  He had also just bought me a mobile phone because I worked late for Barnes and Noble every night and he was worried about me getting home safely.  That’s when my Dad said I had to marry him.
I briefly regressed to my LBB, and then there’s a black area in my memory as to what the heck I did until the iPhone came along.  I went out and snagged one of those suckers the first night.  I don’t care what any one of any of you in the universe says about gadget whoring, techie silliness etc.  You do NOT understand the state of my head.  
The iPhone was obviously created by people who came and studied me like alien abductors in the night.  I don’t even need a magic wand to tap my head, I just tap the screen and my thoughts, pictures, shopping lists, maps, calendars, address book, social media, information retrieval swirl round and suddenly appear.
My dilemma: Having recently re-entered the workforce, in retail specifically, phones are banned on the sales floor entirely.  Which I understand, entirely.  I’m 38 and if a sales associate were jerking round on their phone while I had a question, I might roll up and lean in for the 3-inch stare.  The other day I had a customer who did her entire shopping trip on the phone.  Not talking to someone she was shopping for, which is common, and amusing, just wandering round blabbing, doing the hand-cover-question-whisper a couple times, ending with the Checked-Out Check-Out.  I could have charged her double and she wouldn’t have noticed.  
But I am literally Brainless for 8 hours a day, three days a week now. There are a minimum of 5 times per day I could whip out my iPhone and access information on recipes, spices and other completely focused and pertinent information.  Not. Allowed. So at the least, I need a watch with at least two pre-set alarms and some system for taking and keeping notes while wearing an apron (assuming at times I will have no other pockets).
Where do YOU keep your Brains?  What’s your system?  Fill me in, and I promise I’ll keep your info on file.  When the Zombie Apocalypse comes, you’ll be on the list for my compound.  
Cuz I’m Never Gonna Let You Go, Never Gonna Let You Down.....


Follow the link to the Joy of China Post and Chime in at the Comments Section-- You could win Bragging Rights and a Shorty Trio of Baking Spices OR a 1/2gram jar of high-grade Saffron (aquired myownself, from Penzey's Spices in Menlo Park, California)!

-Entree Period Runs from Monday 09 May 2011 to Monday 23 May 2011. Judging period follows, with winner to be announced on Friday 03 June 2011.
-Entrees must be posted in the Comments section and include your name, email address, and full recipe.
-ONE winner will be chosen by me.
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1 comment:

  1. I would keep one of those little books in my apron like you were speaking about. I would also have a little note journal. This way I could write down things that have been asked of me that I couldn't quite answer off the top of my head.